Oh No..Not Again!

That is my current state of mind from last few days as I am going down the rabbit hole of what I am suffering with. I mean who in their right mind wants to spiral again?

I am someone who deals with anxiety and has been on this journey for a while now. I know the triggers, I know the signs and I know what to do. Yet, here I am again in the thick of it wondering how did I get here.

There are days when I wake up and I feel like the world is a good place and I am ok. And then there are days where from the moment I open my eyes there is a heaviness in my chest and I am already dreading the day. The overthinking brain has already run a 100 meter dash while I was asleep and has served me a platter full of worries, fears and anxious thoughts for breakfast.

I have been told multiple times — you are strong, you will get through this, you are resilient. And I do believe it. But on those days when the anxiety is loud and my mind is a jumble of noise, I wish someone would just sit with me in the silence and not try to fix me.

What I have learnt over the years is that it is ok to not be ok. It is ok to have a bad day, a bad week or even a bad month. It does not define you. What defines you is how you pick yourself up, dust yourself and keep moving. One step at a time.

So here I am, acknowledging that I am not ok right now. And that is a start. Because awareness is the first step to healing. And I am going to be kind to myself today. Because I deserve that kindness.

If you are reading this and you are having one of those days — know that you are not alone. We are all works in progress. And that is perfectly ok.